In my W95 term, (January 1995 - April 1995), I worked for the federal government One of the major entertainments I indulged in during that time was playing Doom and its various clones in deathmatches with my coworkers. My favourite game was Descent, in which you "fly" a little ship around in "mines". What makes it my favourite is the six fully independent degrees of freedom. A factor which added significantly to my enjoyment of these games was a rivalry that developed between me and another coworker. This is a couple of email exchanges that took place over a few days between me and that coworker. It begins with said coworker berating me for (quite innocently (at first)) using the extra computer I had on my desk to unfair advantage. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- From Chuck to Die regarding Friday's battle: I see that playing with only one ship is obviously not sufficient to defeat me. Of course I knew that, your as slow as a Kirk. Whatsa matter, ship canna take anymore captain, she hasn't got the power? What the hells wrong with you, you in some sort of permentant shrooms mode or something? If you were my dog I would pity you too much to even shoot you. If you were my mother I'd kick you you-know-where. If you were my girlfriend... well hell, at least you'd have heard 'you' and 'girlfriend' in the same sentence. You make me sick McFly, you make the prospect of Kirk's little problem appealing for consumption. Get a life you putrid stinking loser, even Kirk looks popular compared to you. Chuck Overkill, Stomping on your grave PS I'm still gloating... ---------- Reply from Die to Chuck: Hmmm... Do mine eyes deceive me? Is this the pathetic cry of a recently vanquished opponent, come to receive another sound thrashing at the feet of her better? Let's see if I can dig up some memories of the battles this one participated in... Ah yes! I remember! This is the one who waits patiently by the sidelines whilst a glorious battle is taking place on the field of honour - and then, immediately following the glorious climax of such a clash, this fiend slithers behind the rightful heir to the possessions of the vanquished one, and brutally stabs him in the back! Such a coward is not worth the reply. And yet... how may the weak ones learn to be strong, if the strong do not show them the way? And how do the wretched learn the way of honour, unless the honourable are willing to teach? Yes, these are the ways of true warriors. To forgive the transgressions of those below them, so that they may one day rise to see the light, and repent their evil ways. So let this be a lesson to you little one. There is no honour in unearned victory, and no shame in honourable defeat. Now, get on your way, and let me not see you again, unless it be face to face, in glorious combat! Die P.S. And I wrote that all by myself... ---------- Reply from Chuck to Die: You speak as if a warrior has some innate right to rest after a battle, to sit on his fat ass and stare at the floating carcass, like an old man leaning against a pole after crossing the street. It is unfortunate if you can only handle one opponent at a time, tunnel vision is death of many a would-be warrior. If you would care for instructions in the ways of the battle I would oblige you in pity, it is so difficult to find a worthy opponent that I would even settle for a victim who would fight back. Perhaps if you practice hard enough, one day you will approach being of interest to me. Perhaps I can teach you how to kill quick and efficiently, how of slide through the tunnels like a ghost, how to read the mines... But this will take many hours. I dream of a day when someone may challenge me on even ground. There is no honor except in the kill, anything else is the mourning talk of funerals. Perhaps you will give up this artificial sense of honor and learn to truly live the kill. Chuck Overkill Patient and Potent ---------- Reply from Die to Chuck: You speak as though the cowardly have some inate right to claim the possessions of those around them, to appear only when their opponent is at his weakest, and to strike only when he is most vulnerable, like a vile disease infecting the battle scores of a ferocious lion. It is unfortunate if you can only handle the opponent deceived, for in deception shall be your downfall. If you would care for instructions in the ways of the open combat I would oblige you in pity, it is so difficult to find a worthy opponent that I would even settle for a victim who would fight back. Perhaps if you practice hard enough, one day you will approach being of interest to me. Perhaps I can teach you how to approach your opponent without fear, how to soar through the tunnels like an eagle, how to gain freedom from the depths of the earth... But this will take many years. I dream of a day when someone may challenge me on open ground. There is no honour in the kill, only in the preceding battle of wills. Perhaps you will give up this misguided sense of honour and learn to truly live for the battle. Die Ready and Waiting ---------- Reply from Chuck to Die: You speak as though the warrior has some innate right to weakness, to haphazardly scatter their possessions around them and sleep in the mines. There is no weakness in the mines, only strength and death. I am one with the mine, it's walls wrap around me and I am invisible. The mine is my ally, a symbiotic relationship, it provides me with food, and I provide it with death, purifying it's veins. I am the immune system and the mines are my arteries. It is right the the weak should fear me. Soar like an eagle and you shall fall, for an eagle knows not to fly through a rabbit's warren, that is the realm of the fox. You may be a worthy oppenent in the open void, but of emptyness I have no interest, but you are out of your element in the mines. Perhaps it would be best for your sake if you took your battles to the void where you are comfortable. The mines nave no place for jousting tourneys and castles in the sky, there is only place for hunter and prey. If you insist on pestering me again come alone, you may believe in safety in numbers but that is the path of a coward's mind, and the symbiosis shall consume all cowards. Only when you give up fear of death shall you be at one with death, and therefore at one with the mines. Chuck Overkill ---------- Reply from Die to Chuck: I accept your challenge to single combat. 12:00. Level 1. Be there. Die Quickly ---------- Reply from Chuck to Die: You are foolish but none-the-less I shall be there. Chuck Overkill, Grining with a big gun ---------- What followed was a battle which started as single combat between Die and Chuck, but apparently Chuck (who set up the game) did not like the terms he agreed to, and so he allowed others to join. After the battle... ---------- From Die to Chuck regarding his deception: As I suspected, it is not in you to face a challenge. You must always rely on deception, and trickery. Well, let it be noted that under the terms of single combat, we would now be on even ground, but since your's is the way of evil, I must claim victory, and await your next challenge... Die Again ---------- Reply from Chuck to Die: I don't know on what pathetic grounds you claim victory, for you are the one with a past tainted with honorless battles, unless it is on greatest number of deaths. No judge should uphold your ruling, your pathetic squawking makes me noxious, if you are not happy with death I recommend you find a stalking ground, you will find only death here. Chuck Overkill, Pity and merciful pain to the pathetic ---------- Reply from Die to Chuck: Hmm... Let's see. Grounds? Does Chucky Cheese here read the battle stats? Does he read his mail? Perhaps we should explain it to him with a little more clarity? Yes, let's. It's very simple Chuckie Poo, you see under the terms of single combat (that's from the mail), we ended the game at 15-15 (that was from the battle stats). Given that the challenge was made with the condition of single combat, anything other statistic or claim is irrelevant to the result. In fact, in the spirit of such statement, and given my gracious and honourable manner, I hereby withdraw my claim of victory, and will allow you to claim a draw... pending rematch. ---------- From Chuck to all participating warriors regarding Friday's Battle: Friends, victoms, countrymen, lend me your lives. It is apparent that the pathetic Die is lower than even the lowest of you. He seems to have lost his grip upon reality. Of course being laid to waste so many times can have such an effect on the weak and young, those that have not the heart of a warrior. I envite you to jeer and shame this pathetic image of a warrior, although he may better some of you in combat his victories must have little honor. Know that today each one of you has come up a notch in the hiarchy of death, the Die has fallen. I look forward to the next who comes to challenge me, may the mines be kind, for I shall not. I shall make an offer of apprenticeship to those that shall ask, that I may see the day when the mines are inhabited by those I can call warrior, and perhaps even friend. Chuck Overkill, Sage of the Mines ---------- From Die to all participating warriors regarding Chuck: Ahhhh yes... Once again, the weasel shows her true colours. Valiant knights, as you peruse this, the true record of the exchange between Chucky Cheese and myself, I believe you will come to the inevitable conclusion (as have I) that the aforementioned is attempting to deceive you. In fact, as you look closer into the dark heart of this maniac you will no doubt see that deception is the only way she knows. I invite you to pity this poor creature, for although she may better some of you in combat, her victories come at the price of her very soul. Yes, so deep has the knife of evil cut into this poor dear's heart, she may be beyond hope; however, to a true warrior, the battle that can't be won is the most valiant of all. So I beseech you, do not allow the sense of repulsion you feel at any contact with her to come to the surface. Treat her with the utmost respect and dignity, for only through your actions may she learn the true way of honour. The following contains words of extreme violence, and may not be suitable for young children. The discretion of a warrior is advised... P.S. Due to the length of this correspondence, you may not be inclined to read it completely. Suffice it to say that contained in this document is all the evidence required to back up my claims ---------- (See above) ---------- And then we get the part that you've already seen.... Interesting isn't it? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------ Another exchange -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------ Yawn, I am sooooo bored. You should have taken the cover off your ship before you took it out. I thought my poor lasers would overheat with all the killing I was doing. Guess it can't be helped, we've all got to live up to our names, that is. The very thought of gloating to you bores me. I suppose you will bore me again though, see you in my sights. Chuck Overkill, The World's most BORED Warrior Yep. I would get bored too, running around slaughtering those poor little Deans and Kirks. Too bad you find it so dangerous to be around me. I'm sure I would appreciate the company, but you seem to keep blowing up whenever you approach. Very odd behaviour, I must say. Die On Sight I generally have mercy on those shivering in the corner. I assume your saying you never attack Dean, Kirk and Geoff. Funny, my death score doesn't even come close to your kill score. Personally I'd think cowardess was the cause but I'm sure your above that [note the sarcasm]. Chuck Overkill, Chairman of the Bored Let's just say that if forced, I will unleash my fury on those less fortunate, but I prefer to seek out prey with a slightly greater chance of surviving. Unfortunately, since I have informed others of your evil and unjustified tactics, they avoid you, and seek out the opponent who is willing to face them on even ground, so as to test their true mettle. They prefer combat with he who will allow them to learn, as opposed to he who simply causes useless death and destruction. Die With Honour! Useless death and destruction, death and destruction are the purest form of beauty. The ship is a static unit of matter, I give it life, I fire my lasers and in an arc of beauty transform the dull static house of your meat body into a spasm of chaotic beauty. I am the only artist of destruction, I create by killing, death is my medium. I am very discriminating about my kills, I only kill everything I see, nothing more, nothing less. I do not wait, like an infant, I stalk, like a mother, the mother of death, I nurse your ship with my bolts of energy until you are satiated and explode. I hear your cries and I come, the wet nurse of death, you are all my children... Chuck Overkill, Father of Death, Mother of Pain.